The rabbit hole..: Archive

The winner takes it all…

Apr 27th

Yesterday i had one of those thinking, alone days where i mostly flitted inbetween sadness and insanity. Today i am thankfully back to my “normal” self. Occassionally i have these moments of utter despair when i feel like nothing i do is good enough and that everyone in my life would be happier without me, im not talking about me killing myself, for the record but more along the lines...

Mar 13th

Dancing on my own

Mar 12th

2011

This is my first post of the year.. i think. So where to begin, i finally after 24 years and 6 months moved out into my very own house and i love it! True financially its hard, bills annoy me and i seem to be constantly buying food but i dont care as some how i manage to survive. I love coming home and it being quite and tidy and i can leave things in the shower knowing they wont be used. Its...

Mar 1st

Christmas was a nightmare.. New Year was lovely! Bring on 2011 hopefully this year i will continue to lost a further two stone and also find a job that i actually love! I should be in my house by next week fingers crossed

Jan 2nd

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e1IhhdsKXAQ →

Dec 21st

Tonight i feel sad. I have no idea whether its to do with the house being freezing and messy or the fact i spent three wonderful days with my boy or the fact i really dont like my job but i feel down. And the weather is far too rubbish to contemplate leaving the house. I have too much stuff and no place to store it all, i really hope i find out soon when im moving so i can de-clutter once and for...

Nov 8th

I feel like i have fallen off the face of internet communications… My new job is making me sleepy by 5pm and my new execise regime means that i dont have time to sit on the internet anymore.. So things are good, i have a house to move into in a few months which is making me so excited, my new job is fun and pays slightly more money, im taking 35 girls to the clothes show live which is going...

Oct 15th

Had the most perfect anniversary weekend :).. I am the luckiest grrl ever! I found alsorts in the charity shops, got lost in lots of windey back roads, ate far too much and probably didnt get enough sleep but it was definatly worth it. Oooo You make my dreams come true!! Gotta love hall and oates

Sep 27th

I am totally shattered. My new job is very time consuming and the longer hours are turning me even more into a early bird. This morning i could have slept for another 5 hours and probably more after that.. But i do enjoy it and the people are very nice and the kids are nice which is a massive change from old school. I think it’s just going to take some time and adjustment to get myself...

Sep 8th

A bird just shit on me :( it made me jump and scream a little, apparrently its good luck so fingers crossed. Right now i really want to crawl into my bed and sleep! But instead i have to pick big steve up from station at 9pm bah! Why do i agree to these things, if it wasnt for the fact that he gave me petrol money i would not agree. Started to fit in Russian Doll today which was exciting and...

Aug 8th

And those were the days of roses, Poetry and prose and Martha All I had was you and all you had was me. There was no tomorrows, We’d packed away our sorrows And we saved them for a rainy day. And I remember quiet evenings Trembling close to you…

Aug 7th

for some reason i have not yet figured out i agreed to take my dad to darlington station this morning at 5.30am! I am currently debating whether or not to go back to bed and rejoin sleep world or just stay up and do something productive.

Aug 7th

Aug 3rd

i feel like there is so much i don’t know.. maybe i’m just naive

Jul 30th

This week seems to have been far more stressful then it should have been, i think mostly its partly due to leaving work and falling out of my usual routine. Im nervous about my new job, about the pop up shop, money and loads of other pointless things.. My MOT yesterday was alot more money then i thought, its my own fault for not saving and preparing myself for this, it made me realise that come...

Jul 27th

Tomorrow i am making sweet potato, chickpea and cauliflower curry Mmm! Accompanied by an evening of charmed with my lover, i am very much looking forward to this!

Jul 22nd

I should not have watched boys dont cry last night, it made me sad and horrified and i really didnt enjoy it, despite it being an amazing film if that makes sense. I suppose its the same way i feel about The lovely bones book, i read it as i always finish any book i read but i found it extremley harrowing and upsetting to read. First day of freedom, so glad i decided to do my washing yesterday as...

Jul 22nd

My last day at Ormesby was brief, i was only in for just over an hour as there was nothing for us to do. I made some tea for the work men and left, singing to my mixtape and not looking back.

Jul 21st

Dracula la la im a sucker for your love… Best line ever!

Jul 21st

Booom! I am pretty sure the very loud lightening just hit something very close to where i live, the almighty crack made me jump out of my skin and get mascara on my face booo! So i have finished work boo hoo, i got a little teary saying goodbye to people today but thankfully due to the medium of Faceybook i should be able to keep tracks on most peeps that i want to rather easily. Good things are...

Jul 20th

I am totally drained from this weekend. Friday was a mixture of happy/sad, found out a member of our teaching staff had did over night which was a mega shock and put a sadness over the school for my last day. The kids were gorgeous still and bought me flowers and cards and i cried a little. Three days this week packing up the school and then its bye bye Ormesby! I did my first ever car boot today...

Jul 18th

I am tired and i have no water but i am happy! I only have one week left at work and then im free from the ratbags of Ormesby! Last night was J exhibition opening and it went so well, i had the most gorgeous night, got a little tipsy of the free wine which is never good but i was just happy and loving which is never bad, i think! Today i am popping to the designers market place to see what...

Jul 10th

I got the job i applied for, its perfect. The school is fantastic, the staff are lovely and the kids seem really nice. Im going to have my own office which i can decorate and put pictures up of my favourite things, im so happy i could cry! London was fabulous despite the awful journey down and the stinky journey home, note to self DO NOT GET NATIONAL EXPRESS AGAIN!! i got all sorts from the car...

Jul 5th

Last night we watched Tim Burtons “Alice in Wonderland”, now seen as im a die hard fan of Alice i knew i would hate it and guess what i was right. Oh my god it was a weird mixture of wonderland and looking glass and totally didnt make sense at all. There was so much irrelevant happenings that if it wasnt for the costumes i would have turned it off!!! Bah never mind. Off to London at...

Jun 30th

i had my interview today. It went good. But i have no idea whether or not they want me for the job, its hard to guess these things as i have had interviews before that have went well and then i didnt get the job, although without being presumptious none of the other candidates had my pazzazz haha! They were all boring and two of them were equal parts annoying/fake. Hair cut thursday and London...

Jun 29th

I have a job interview next week wwwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!! Can you tell im excited!! I just hope that they dont look badly on my lil sickness record which im going to have to disclose as i was off for three weeks, i would rather not disclose it but seen as our schools arnt too far apart i figure im going to have too.. Fingers crossed!

Jun 24th

You took advantage of me

i never understand mean girls. I have encounted two within the last two days and they seriously make me mad. But then i realised that it doesnt matter because they dont matter. They dont know me or anything about me and thats the end of that! Finger crossed for new job and possible holiday to Berlin

Jun 21st

I have had such a lovely weekend, i dont want to go back to work tomorrow bah! Only four weeks left till the big six weeks off. Here is a list of things that i am looking forward too; *Getting my blue rinse *London ball gown car boot *P&F *My shop opening :) I dont want to wish these few weeks away but seriously July and August are going to be much fun and hopefully a new job will just...

Jun 20th

I actually believe that there is something mentally wrong with my younger sister. All she does is screech and scream and make fucking annoying noises all day and night! Despite me telling her continuosly to shut the fuck up, she doesnt seem to grasp that while im trying to apply for jobs her banshee like screams are not appropriate nor are her shrieking laughs pleasent at 11pm at night whilst...

Jun 13th

Jun 11th

when i grow up i want to be...

Pass! I have absolutely no idea. I have spent the entire morning at work looking for jobs to no avail. I hate that i have no idea what to do! I think i just want out of Ormesby school, or any school really.

Jun 9th

London tomorrow morning. i am well bloody excited for it. Its been an age since i left the north east so a wee adventure down south is just what i need, lets hope the sun doesnt bash my pastey skin too much..

Jun 2nd

Dancing on my own

I am actually obsessed with Robyn’s new song, i have it on repeat at the moment via youtube as it isnt available for download for another two weeks :(. Its my birthday on Friday and im off to London to celebrate by rummaging in vintage shops to find lots of bargins and a yellow dress! I am still in two minds about dying my hair lavender platinum but for the moment i am too much of a fanny...

Jun 1st

May 23rd

Spring cleaning

I am in the middle of completely gutting my room. I am suprised i have not made myself and my lover seriously ill with the amount of dust/cobwebs/grossness that was under my bed and on the skirting board eek! I have washed all the walls and damaged my super long nails in the process. I also have way too much stuff and found my dr martens woohoo! Tomorrow i am switching the room around and...

May 21st

I will go down with this ship I will put my hands up and surrender There will be no white flag above my door I’m in love and always will be..

May 7th

Does this make me irksome

Sometimes i think getting my hair cut short was a big mistake. I feel like i really dont have the wow face to pull it off and mostly i just want to cry when i look in the mirror. I still feel like i dont know who i am looks wise anymore, i dont like wearing make-up as its too much and my style doesnt seem to work anymore. I was always very secure with my sense of style and now i dont know anymore,...

Apr 25th

All i want

I am on a lonely road and I am traveling Looking for the key to set me free Oh the jealousy, the greed is the unraveling It’s the unraveling And it undoes all the joy that could be I want to have fun, I want to shine like the sun I want to be the one that you want to see I want to knit you a sweater Want to write you a love letter I want to make you feel better I want to make...

Apr 19th

One year

and you still make my heart flutter.. This week has been amazing, i dont want it to end. I think its the start of new things to come xxx

Apr 11th

I dont want this feeling to end

I am so happy! My vintage shop is fantastic and doing really well and i am loving it!! I want to own a shop full time now, something i am going to look into Thank you for believing in me :) xxx

Apr 7th

Excuse me, too busy writing your tragedies

I re-joined weight watchers tonight and i weighed less then i ever have done in last two years. You would think that this would mean im super confident, when the reality is much worse. I have zero confidence and constantly feel like i look awful, iv dropped like 3 dress sizes and i still feel unattractive. I cant decide if it was getting all my hair cut off that made me feel less feminine even...

Mar 25th

Dear mr bank man

This month i would really appreciate: *A duck and Down king size duvet *YSL Parisienne perfume *A good foundation for ultra pale skins like me that doesnt dry out my face or make me look orange *Some brown clunky brogues *Vera Wang Specs I think thats all!

Mar 24th

oh to look like you..

Mar 23rd

Russian Doll

This is my last week off work on the sick, im actually looking forward to getting back into a routine, not so looking forward to those early mornings again. I need to dye my hair black, its currently a faded brown and does nothing for my skin tone. Been busy market researching today and sorting out my vintage shop, trying to work out pricing and so forth. I’m feeling optimistic :).

Mar 22nd

Dont leave this world to me

Mar 17th

Drained

Today was like taking one step forward and two steps back, thankfully i have the best boy in the world who helped me find a way ahead again. I still have a headache though.. Interview tomorrow, fingers crossed its successful x

Mar 15th

Maybe

if i screamed loud enough someone would listen.. I cant sleep. The cobwebs are taunting me. I feel like im going backwards. All i ask is for silence.

Mar 14th