The winner takes it all…
The winner takes it all…
Yesterday i had one of those thinking, alone days where i mostly flitted inbetween sadness and insanity. Today i am thankfully back to my “normal” self. Occassionally i have these moments of utter despair when i feel like nothing i do is good enough and that everyone in my life would be happier without me, im not talking about me killing myself, for the record but more along the lines of blah friends think im boring, i dont make jason happy, im rubbish at my job etcetcetc.. And so the cycle begins and swirls into a mass vortex of self hate and thoughts of utter unrealistic happenings that sometimes i cant distinguish what is the truth.. Anyway thankfully that day is over now for atleast another six months and so hopefully my inner balance is restored.
Dancing on my own
This is my first post of the year.. i think.
So where to begin, i finally after 24 years and 6 months moved out into my very own house and i love it! True financially its hard, bills annoy me and i seem to be constantly buying food but i dont care as some how i manage to survive. I love coming home and it being quite and tidy and i can leave things in the shower knowing they wont be used. Its bliss.. Jason is here alot of the time which i love, i am completely in love and dont care what anyone thinks.. I used to think that happiness came in a bottle of vodka and a pile of pills but now i know that its from being so content with someone that you dont need to justify or dress it up. You dont have to surround yourself with those who dont matter as at the end of the day, its just us.
Work is still rubbish and im looking for new jobs, in a totally different sector then the one i work in now, having said that times are hard and there isnt much out there but i think me and education have come to an end. Dont get me wrong im still passionate about working with young people and i know im good at it but unless i decide to train to teach which i dont want to, i will always just be a support member of staff and therefore deemed as lesser then teachers. Which is unfair as i worked hard and im good at my job, i just know that teaching isnt for me. But what is for me, im unsure. I find it ironic that i give careers advice and yet have no idea myself what i want to do.
hmm
Christmas was a nightmare.. New Year was lovely!
Bring on 2011 hopefully this year i will continue to lost a further two stone and also find a job that i actually love!
I should be in my house by next week fingers crossed
Tonight i feel sad. I have no idea whether its to do with the house being freezing and messy or the fact i spent three wonderful days with my boy or the fact i really dont like my job but i feel down. And the weather is far too rubbish to contemplate leaving the house.
I have too much stuff and no place to store it all, i really hope i find out soon when im moving so i can de-clutter once and for all.
I feel like i have fallen off the face of internet communications… My new job is making me sleepy by 5pm and my new execise regime means that i dont have time to sit on the internet anymore..
So things are good, i have a house to move into in a few months which is making me so excited, my new job is fun and pays slightly more money, im taking 35 girls to the clothes show live which is going to be amazing.. I have a week off coming up soon and its almost Christmas :)..
Had the most perfect anniversary weekend :).. I am the luckiest grrl ever! I found alsorts in the charity shops, got lost in lots of windey back roads, ate far too much and probably didnt get enough sleep but it was definatly worth it.
Oooo You make my dreams come true!!
Gotta love hall and oates
I am totally shattered. My new job is very time consuming and the longer hours are turning me even more into a early bird. This morning i could have slept for another 5 hours and probably more after that.. But i do enjoy it and the people are very nice and the kids are nice which is a massive change from old school. I think it’s just going to take some time and adjustment to get myself proper into a new routine especially after having six weeks off over the summer.. So the first step into my routine is to go back to weight watchers blah blah blah!!!! I think i have probably gained like half a stone over the summer and i dont want to fall into a habit of putting on weight again because before you realise it you can end up being four stone, which is not going to happen im sure but i figure i may as well get back on the healthy track..
Hair cut and roots done tomorrow and then hopefully i will have done all the things i needed too but hadnt had time too and then will be able to see friends and catch up on my washing
